The Linux Extremist

A very long time ago, I remember seeing a Garfield the cat cartoon, in which Garfield was holding a cup of coffee and reciting the following little poem:

I love you, coffee, you make me glow
My nerves don’t like you, but what do they know?

As I sit here with my giant Darth Vader mug full of steaming hot java, I feel the same way. I think it is a common feature amongst most technologists to be caffiene fiends - not just coffee, but cola (diet and regular), Mountain Dew, Jolt, Red Bull (sometimes spiked with vodka) - we are all apparently trying to stimulate ourselves to death. A popular technologist t-shirt features a diagram of the caffiene molecule, a sort of symbol among true believers in the Caffiene Cult.

Many of the companies I have worked for have encouraged this religion - I once worked for a dot com in the Netherlands that was not atypical in this regard: they kept a small supply closet choked to the gills with cola, dark roasted coffee and chocolate (which also contains caffiene).

I’m not giving up coffee, but recent health concerns about artificial sweetners mean that I am going to be giving up the diet cola shortly. I found that 2 bottles of Marks and Spencer Diet Cola at lunchtime was having an effect on my short term memory; according to anecdotal evidence, this is likely due to aspertame. All in all, a good time to stop.

That said, it’s been quite a run. Diet cola in 2 litre bottles has been good to me, a constant companion as I learned PHP, MySQL and Linux. I have fond, almost romantic memories of being up so late that even the birds outside were asleep, sitting in front of a glowing screen, writing code, and then taking another swig. Once I’d reached a stage of solution or frustration, usually around 3 AM, I’d fall into bed, and then make myself some more coffee in the morning. Caffiene was there to help me stay awake so I could learn more, process more information, maximise my waking hours and help me cram as much information as possible into my brain.

But perhaps like dot com booms that turn to busts, and Sun becoming a bunch of twerps and youth turning to middle age, that which was fun or even useful can sometimes eventually become destructive. I like to sleep at night. I have a beautiful girlfriend to spend time with now, a much more satisfying companion than a glowing screen and a PHP manual. Things pass, and this includes my membership in the Cult of Caffiene.

Younger technologists can still go for it. They can push themselves and spend late nights learning what is new and cool and relevant. They can still enjoy the surge of caffiene and pretend they’re Brad Dourif playing Piter de Vries in “Dune” by reciting:

It is by will alone, I set my mind in motion
It is by the juice of Sapho the thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stain
The stains become a warning, it is by will alone I set my mind in motion.

It’s all part of learning. However, there comes a point where a stage of learning completes and it’s time to move onto a new lesson. So I’m moving on from learning about being a wild young technologist drunk on Diet Coke, and looking forward to gaining wisdom about the virtues of being sober, respectable and orderly.

Well OK, maybe not.

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